"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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