If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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