i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
jump out the window naked night went bad
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
