Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
