i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
