Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
