Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize