using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
