Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
