worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
