Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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