I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
