ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
