Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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