Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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