shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i've created a new STD.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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