spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
