So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
