i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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