I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
