Who wears a wallet chain?!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
