I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
