WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
