Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
