mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
