smell my finger.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
