when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
