Sry I called you an 8
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
