Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize