Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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