for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Randomize
