You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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