I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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