just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need to sanitize my soul.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
