I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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