I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
