how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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