Define "chronic" masturbator.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just invented taco cereal.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
