you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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