I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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