Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
