YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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