I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
