Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
