I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
