I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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