totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
