Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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