just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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