Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
