By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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