we have officially lost it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
