worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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